Sunday, January 10, 2010

and a fear comes to pass

Tonight Emily came downstairs to tell me that she has decided she would like to do smile boxes for animal shelters, in addition to her smile boxes to the hospitals. They wouldn't be individual boxes, but just one big box filled with food, and blankets. I told her we could talk about this idea of hers, and then maybe move forward. She pretty much told me in no uncertain terms, that his was a deal breaker if I didn't help her! I sometimes wonder if I have the strength to keep up with my tiny philanthropist, but I will try my best.

Another issue Em brought to me tonight for the first time was, "I feel like people love Jude more than me". It made me swallow hard because I constantly worry about the effects of Jude's condition on Emily. She has grown up very quickly in the last year and a half, which I didn't want for her. When my mom passed away, and other situations arose I grew up from 7 to old enough to fend for myself very quickly. I think some of this has to do with the additional responsibilities Emily has had placed upon her regarding cleaning, and organizing, but some I believe is really emotions she is feeling. She mentioned that my blog is called the "Diary of a baby", not the "Diary of babies". I explained that this is due to the fact that she has thankfully, never suffered a stroke. I then explained that I started this blog with the sole purpose that I would truthfully pour out every raw feeling I had about Jude's situation to educate others. She also told me she had a dream that Mike left us, ARGH, my heart broke. I explained to her that we are a family, and even though times can be tough, we are always a family first.

Later in the night she said "Mommy, this song reminds me of our family". I put her ipod ear piece into my hear to listen to "Lean on me". I smiled and said "that's a pretty good song for us". I guess sometimes when we hope our other children are not affected, they still are. Emily has had a lot put on her at a young age. The only thing I can say is that I had the same, and I think the tribulations I endured turned me into the person I am today. I hope the same will happen for her, and I help Em in anyway I can. She has all I can afford both emotionally, physically, and more. I have sought after counseling for our situation, and she seems to be very well adjusted. I guess it's perfectly natural for any girl, or woman to wonder about their worth. I question mine, I am sure you do too. I just want to make sure Em never has to question my love, because mine is here to stay.

So little Em, because I know you read my blog. I love you with all my heart, you are my darling little girl. You are more amazing than most adults I know. You have a compassionate heart, a patient heart, and an accepting heart. Most people are lucky if they just get one of those traits, not all three. You have done more by the age of eleven than most people will do in their entire life. You have held mommy's hand when you shouldn't have to, and you make my heart happy. I know you will go so far in life. You will achieve your dreams, because you have the drive to make them happen. Although if for any reason you are ever sad I will feel very honored to still wrap my arms around you, and tell you I will love you forever. I love you forever, and ever!


Candace said...

Emily, you are a rockin' awesome powerhouse of a young lady! SO many of us look up to you on this blog, you can be sure that we all think so much of you! We think about YOU when Faith plays with her Elmo book and her little sticker books! It may seem hard to stand in the long shadow that your little brother casts but you are a wonderful, creative girl who is going to come out with some strong character traits! Keep that chin up and you DO those animal shelter Smileboxes! Be sure your mom loves you in ways that you will never know and appreciates all your hard work as a big sister and daughter!

mom2nji said...

You are an amazing bright young lady. I know it can be so hard to deal with having a sibling that is special needs. I worry about the same thing for my sons. I can tell you from reading your mom's blog for a long time that she is super proud of you and loves you very much!
It takes someone very mature to sit down and talk about their feelings like you did with your mom. Keep working on your smile boxes and I hope you get the animal shelter boxes going soon.

Kaidence's Mommy said...

Beautifully said! I too struggle over these concerns for my boys all of the time. In fact, I lose a lot of sleep over this at times. I am so concerned that they will think the same thing of Kaidence. I try so hard to focus on them, but then we go out some place and everyone comments about Kaidence and very rarely even recognize that the boys are standing right next to her. It breaks my heart. They mean just as much to me as Kaidence. Kaidence also would not be where she is today without them. They are so loving, patient and NEVER complain. McCaden thinks that anytime something nice is done for our family that it is because "Kaidence is so special". How do we tell them that THEY are amazing kids? I focus on this every day. You have an amazing daughter! I believe that the syblings of these little kiddos were hand picked just for them. They do grow up so quickly, but they also grow with a love and compassion for others that many people never even learn in their lifetime.

Anonymous said...

Emily, wonderful, caring, gorgeous are the most amazing and loving sister and daughter anyone could ask for. Your family is so proud or you, your recipients of the smile boxes love you and it looks like even animals will love you soon :-) Keep it going young are AMAZING!

gilda said...

Jenn, don't be so hard on yourself your a wonderful mom. And Emily is a beautiful girl, sounds like she is growing up. My daughter will be turning 15 this month and I have had my share of conversations like that too. She is a sweet girl who sure does have a bright future ahead of her with the way she cares so much about others already. Emily...never doubt where you belong in this world or your family your a very smart,wonderful young lady with a beautiful soul.

Katy said...

Well, I hope Emily reads the comments too.

Emily, please knwo that I don't think your mom could do this without you. You are her strength and you have taken a situation where many children would feel more selfish and you have chosen to make it about giving. You're in inspiration to a lot of adults around here.

Anonymous said...

I can't count the number of times I have thought that Emily is quite amazing. I come here to check in on the whole family. As a unit, you are a wonderful team. Each of you are special in inspiring ways.

The Hendrixes
(Amy, Parker, Jeff and Jordan)