So last night I had a breakdown in public, and I feel so bad! It was just one of those days. When I got home the girls had been acting up so Mike was in a rotten mood. We then got in a huge fight which set my mood for the night. So we decided to go ahead, and go to the wedding reception we were invited to.
The bride looked beautiful, and everything was just gorgeous. I took a few pictures so I will post them on Monday. They also had a photo booth, and after Mike and I relaxed, ate, and had a glass of wine we enjoyed ourselves. I think the stress from the week just built up, and we needed some time away. I was so excited to see my friend Darla was there, and we girl chatted a bit.
Later that night they began to show a video of the couples actual wedding in Mexico (this was just their reception). I was watching the video of the couple so happy, looking beautiful, and enjoying their new family. Then there were some little kids playing around the water fountain right next to me during the video. The kids were yelling, running, and laughing. Suddenly, I felt overwhelmed and tears started stinging my eyes. I tried to hold them back but they just started falling. I also felt dizzy, and as if the world was vibrating around me. I quickly scooted myself outside so no one would see. Soon I recovered, and I brought myself back inside. Mike asked me if I was ready to go and I nodded. My friend Darla came to say her goodbyes, and she was so sweet. She said, "I read your blog everyday you are such an inspiration" and I burst into tears again. I tried to apologize, and I only got out "the video, it was the video". I felt terrible! I was the downer at the wedding, but luckily I was in the very back and only Darla saw me. We quickly left.
Once in the truck Mike asked me what was wrong. I explained I just got overwhelmed with all the happiness. I told him I was so happy for the couple so not to take things wrong. I also explained I was so ashamed that I let myself get down from watching others peoples beautiful children, and innocent lives. Their lives were untouched by any sadness, and I wouldn't want it any other way for them. I just felt envious for a second, because I wanted Jude to laugh, run, and play in the water. I just got overwhelmed..........I never get overwhelmed. I felt so bad....
I texted Darla on my way home with an explanation. She texted back there was no reason for apologies ever. You have to love her! She has been so supportive with everything that has happened in my life in the past year.
The wedding was gorgeous, and I am so glad we got out. Maybe I needed a flood of tears.........it relieved some stress. Jude had another seizure last night so I think regardless of the tiredness from the increase in meds he does need the higher dosage.