I have been rather busy today so I have not been able to post. Jude seems to have cleared up his tummy bug, but he is sleeping all day again. Therefore, we are now unsure if this was in fact a tummy bug, or medication reaction. Although, the medication levels in his blood are normal so I am not to worried. I just talked to Mike, and Jude has only taken 10 ounces today, so we are hoping he takes more soon. This is what Jude is doing today: Maybe I should consider getting him off the comfy bed? I am joking, because we do everything we can to wake him, but he will have no part of it.
On my way to work today I thought about how normal our lives have been lately. My mind floated to places to take Jude like the zoo, picnics, hiking, swimming, and then reality set in. My phone rang, and it was Mike telling me what I mentioned above.....Jude was not waking. So yet again I get a reminder that ..... nope we are not normal. People including myself always say, "I hate that reference normal...what is normal", but we all know what it is. I think we just choose to say that phrase because it makes us feel better, and in some ways we believe in it. It's a reality that I cannot really take my baby swimming, because while I am holding him he will plant his face into the water. Jude still has a hard time holding his head up. Yeah, it's a feel sorry for myself again moment, but the moment always passes quickly. I remind myself how wonderful Jude is, and how much he has taught me about life in general. For instance, I don't get as aggravated with things anymore (except angry people, and stupid drivers), and I don't judge as quickly. I understand that people confront tragedies head on, and that can impact their lives. I used to look at people wondering why they lived a certain way, I now no longer question. If someone is behind on their payments, lose their house, lose a car, or just have bad things happen in general who am I to judge? It's easy to say someone "should have" or someone "can", when we aren't in their shoes. I have also gotten to know some really incredible people that I may have never met before. I am not saying I was judgemental because I wasn't, but I do think I worried to much about what other people thought of me around certain people. Shallow shallow existence, and I am glad I kicked that habit. The person living down the street from you covered in tatoo's, and living in a modest home may be the best person on the inside that you have ever met!!! Now if I can just get past worrying what others think about my appearance, and such. That is something I need to work on.
I try not to get down about Jude being disabled, because it doesn't make him any less of an amazing baby. Every now and then I think it's perfectly normal to mourn for what you wanted for your child. I just realize you cannot dwell on that. The other night we received a catalog for therapy equipment, and long term care equipment. Mike flipped through the pages, and I saw him tear up. He said he feels like Jude will need these items, but I disagreed. I told him I think Jude has surprised us already, and will continue to do so. He is becoming more interactive with us, recognizes our voices, and is now reaching some. Time will only tell if Jude will walk, but I have faith he will!!
So I made myself a pediatric stroke awareness bracelet. It was my first attempt so it isn't that fabulous dahhhhhling. I want to learn how to make bracelets because I would love to have one that is fancy with rhinestones, etc. This is a new goal of mine. I am rather crafty, but I do need a class.......trust me I do.....I already broke the clasp on this one so it's rigged right now.
Please stop by my other blog www.ourfamviews.blogspot.com, and read about Coley who started a birth moms site. Also, I could use some followers on that site, thanks!