Thursday, February 16, 2017

The Plague and Emily's Win

I am so sick. I am pretty sure that the flu is the black plague in disguise and it's trying to take out the entire human population! I have been out of work for two days and will be going home early again today. I think I would rather be read to all day long by the "Bueller Bueller" teacher. 




Prior to getting this scathing disease I actually had a nice weekend. I had mentioned in a prior blog that Emily decided to compete one more time in another system for a teen title. For five years Emily had competed in the USA system and we had all pushed her to try America or International. Well she finally decided to try international and guess what..........



Yep she is your new Miss Teen Texas International! She will go on to represent TX in August at the Miss Teen International competition in West Virginia. Emily was thrilled and she had such an amazing time. Their interviewing system is different and Emily had to sit with 5 judges for 5 minutes a piece to explain herself and her platform Emily's Smile Boxes. She said she was rather shocked when she walked into the room and the first judge she sat down with was Nia Sanchez. She was Miss USA 2014 and first runner up with Miss Universe and someone Emily greatly admires. Here is Em and Nia. 



The judging panel was high profile and full of very experienced pageant judges so Emily is beyond humbled with the results. If you want to follow her reign and platform please go like this page: https://www.facebook.com/TeenTexasInternational/

While away this weekend I decided to treat myself to getting my nails done and a pedicure. I haven't really fixed my hair and gotten overly ready since Jude passed. You know what I learned? I love to be pampered but I HATE nails! I cannot text or type with these talons and they're not even that long. My blog looks like a school graders paper marked in red ink with mistypes. Regardless it was worth it and fun. 

Then Valentines day hit. While people were posting lovey pictures or anti lovey pictures I was missing Jude. I was sick in my bed wanting to make a Valentines card box for him or buy him a stuffed animal that he could cuddle. So my best advice is to enjoy each and every Valentines box you make for your kids and cherish each little card they receive because I really miss my littlest Valentine. 



Thursday, February 9, 2017

It's the 9th

In two months it will be one year since we lost Jude and when I say it feels like last month, I mean it feels like last month.  My grief is still very new and it hovers over my family like a shroud of silent pain. I notice the likes on social media have decreased for Jude's pictures and the emails and calls have decreased as well. Some family and friends I don't even see anymore. It's the natural part of life where things move on but the grief stricken are still waiting in the shadows. It's no ones fault it's just how life is, as they reference in Steel Magnolia's life moves on just as it should. 

I don't want to be here for the one year anniversary and very well may find a way to get out of town. I have already scheduled the 10th off of work for a day of rest which I think will be needed. I guess a lot has transpired since Jude's death. We moved, gained lots of animals, Jude's book was published, and Mike got a new job.  We do still love our little house in the woods and it brings us a lot of peace. I had to fill my tax forms out this past week and it's asks you if your child has died within the past twelve months. That one was not easy to fill out and even after you mark yes there are continued questions that follow. So if you haven't lost a close family member the closing of their lives doesn't end with the funeral. 

I find myself still looking at Facebook and wondering about all the unrest in the world and I sometimes wonder how people are not happy with the blessings they have. I wonder why many people rush to judgment and why people make huge deals out of a normal everyday situations. Speaking of, Lady GaGa is not the devil incarnate nor the Anti-Christ. I know some people really want her to be but it was just a performance...........I am currently singing "Let It Go!" You are very welcome for allowing me to plant that musical nugget in your noggin. I had to throw some humor into a blog that's a bit sad. 

Even though we are not whole our family is still a peaceful little unit. We all miss Jude, including Emily. I saw on her snapchat that she had stopped by and visited Jude at the cemetery the other day while she was out on her own. I am sure they have some good talks together just like they used to.

Friday, February 3, 2017

A Realization and Bathing Pigs

I always look at my memory feed on Facebook everyday. It's full of memories with Jude over the last 7 plus years. Today I saw a picture and I could tell just by looking at it that he was either starting pneumonia or just recovering. He was very pale and that was always a tale tale sign that he was very sick. He always mustered that smile that spread from eye to eye and it was so extremely infectious to everyone around. 




After I saw the picture I began thinking about all the firsts you have in life. Your first birthday, first Halloween, first Christmas, first day of school, Kindergarten graduation, prom, high school graduation, your first day of college, your wedding, your first baby, and then watching them grow. However no where in the list of firsts did I ever count on burying my child. There shouldn't be a first funeral for a child or any continuation of funerals for children. I have noticed that I start getting rather down around the first of each month. The mind is a complicated subject because it seems my subconscious realized the 9th of each month was coming long before my physical self caught up. Now I get it. Keep on marching on, that's what I do. 

To lighten the mood some here is an adorable picture of Buddy having his first bath last night. I did submit my children's story about Buddy the pig and Ollie the cat, so we will see if anything ever comes from it. My friends and family thought the story was adorable but you never know in a writers market. The competition is fierce but regardless we love our little "farm" and the joy the animals bring to us. I am anxious for warm weather so we can work outside and continue to improve our adorable little homestead.