In normal fashion I am trying to bounce back and handle the situation at hand. I am more calm today and I am thinking about everything more rationally. People have been asking me how Mike is but in all honesty I just don't know. The heart is hidden under many layers of skin and bone and it's not something that gives you a daily reading. I can tell you he is in pain from the inflammation around the heart and he is in pain from the procedure area. He sleeps a lot due to the medications but rest resets the body so I look at that as a positive. I set him an appointment with the doctor for tomorrow morning as a follow up prior to thinking about going back to work. That's another hurdle......work. I am not sure his current position is conducive to his current health situation but I know his company considers him an asset and I have faith they will work with him on finding how he can be most useful in a safe environment. Mike is a big strong man who looks after his family and having something like this happen can weigh heavily on a man psyche. I know it affects him but he will always be big strong Mike to us!
Our inspection on our house for the buyers is this morning so Mike has ventured out of the house for the first time since his hospital stay. He and Emily are heading about a mile from our house to a movie theater. They figured that would be a good place to sit and not to strenuous. Knowing Emily she will have him watching Finding Dory, lol! He may put up a big fight though.
I feel pretty alone in all this but I know I am not. I also know my Facebook and blog posts are frequent and can be overwhelming to others. I learned there is something called grief fatigue. This is where your friends and family begin to pull away, hide your posts, or scroll past you. I assure you that if you need to do this it's normal and okay. There comes a point when you aren't sure what to say or how to help to someone grieving or going through a tragedy and a natural reaction is to pull back. I had someone also explain that grief fatigue is a reminder to others that have not suffered a tragedy that life can be incredibly devastating in an instant. However with that being said someone who is grieving or handling a stressful situation needs to do whatever it is that makes them process each day to the best of their ability. If that's posting frequent updates on Facebook or a blog then that what I need to do. I also have learned through Jude's situation that information trickles out whether you post or not. So for me posting updates deters repetitive texts and questions. Also know that your posts, texts, and sweet emails do help. I understand there are no words in a situation like ours so don't feel you need to search for them just knowing people are there to listen is enough.
So I am not sure what our next steps will be regarding finding a new place to live. We are waiting until the option period is over and maybe even into July before we make any steps. I am not sure if we will rent for a year until we know the entire situation at hand or if we will move forward to find a new home. I have decided I just need to take things one step at a time.