Yesterday was rough, there is just no sugar coating it. Jude was on my mind a lot. I also felt pressed for time like there are not enough hours in the day. I know many people feel that way in the hustle and bustle that we call everyday life. As the sun was setting and my day was still going I stood in line at the grocery store. While waiting my turn I looked to my right and my eyes drifted over the packs of gum and down to the magazines. There sat a front page that beamed with Halloween decorations that beckoned parents to try to imitate them and gorgeous children dressed in cute homemade costumes. My heart began to hurt a little and then my eyes continued to scan the shelves. Next up was a holiday magazine with the front laced in beautiful Christmas decorations and that's when the tears began to fall. I missed Jude and I began to think how unfair it is that he is not here and could never truly experience the holidays. A natural but selfish reaction. I quickly tried to wipe away the tears streaming down my face before I reached the checkout and upset the clerk. Once I had paid I breathed a sigh of relief and began walking to my car. On my way I saw a big burly man with a tiny little daughter skipping beside him. She had on her dance outfit and had her daddy carrying her plastic doll carrier. She was humming with a large Halloween balloon trailing behind her that her dad had purchased. As she slipped her tiny hand in his large open palm I just smiled and remembered how amazing life can be.
This morning I was silently still struggling but on my Facebook feed there was an adorable picture of Jude and his father at therapy several years ago. I smile every time I see this photo because I can literally hear Jude questioning what the therapist was planning to do.
I also received several of Emily's senior pictures. I think that's another issue I am struggling with is Emily is a senior and will be leaving home soon. I am so incredibly proud but as time has passed I continue to parent her but she is also one of my best friends. We tell each other pretty much everything. I look forward to watching her flourish as life marches on. I think these pictures truly capture Emily's personality and I love the one with Felicia our chicken! If you ever need photography I highly recommend Sarah Miloud Photography.
I look forward to getting Jude's bench in December so I can go spend some time sitting with him at his resting place.