Mike and I went out to dinner the other night and "Here Comes The Sun", by the Beatles came on. This is literally how my brain works now. I thought of my friend Linda (whom I miss) who lost her precious Aiden and how they loved that song, then I thought of Emily who adores the song and picked it for her final walk at Miss Dallas teen. Then I thought of Jude because she walked to the song the day after he died.......and then I cried. It's like my mind moves in lightning fast speed with pictures. Mike looked at me and immediately knew what I was thinking and he teared up too. There are triggers in the smallest of actions. I still miss Jude very much and I still do little things to soothe the loss. When they delivered the shirts for the pediatric stroke run there was a tiny one that was Jude's size. I could not help but take it and put it aside. I take it with me sometimes when I lie down, I guess it makes me feel closer to him. I know that sounds sad but you do what you need to.
I have started a diet of sorts and will be working out when I can. I have struggled a bit with this and this is why. I have sat on a couch for the last 7 years holding a terminally ill child. My weight is NOT what I want but I also don't feel bad about it, does that make sense? When others questioned my work outs or weight I still felt confident. At one point my husband told me, "I know you aren't happy with how you look but no matter what size you are you will always be beautiful to me." That's the support I needed. So primarily I am going to start exercising again to help my emotional well being versus a physical well being. I am sure I will eventually work on the physical too but I believe the other is more important right now. I also know that despite how I look I am still me and I am still beautiful the way I am and so are you! So hopefully between life and it's never ending schedule I can fit 3-4 work outs a week in.
So I have started a new venture and I would truly appreciate your support. I am finding a way to supplement our income since Emily is graduating and we lost additional income we had when Jude was here. Stop by and check out my site. https://www.perfectlyposh.com/Jennjennortiz