One of the most important things I believe a bereaved parent can learn is to step back and admit I just cannot adult today. Yesterday I took the day off work and it was needed. Throughout our lives as we face tragedies and losses we adults have a tendency to keep pushing forward. That's important but it's also important to allow yourself to have moments and to heal. So that's what I did yesterday and I may have to shut life off every now and then until we all get better and you know what? That's okay.
Chandi at my work said she had someone tell her, " Well didn't they know Jude was sick? Isn't it easier." She said she was startled and then replied "NO it isn't easier. We are all dying but imagine losing your child."
I had a dream about Jude which was exciting to me because I have not been dreaming of him. I remember he had on a white shirt and white shorts. His hair looked so perfect and I was so impressed at how perfectly styled it was. His teeth were no longer crooked from not eating and he made me feel so peaceful. I don't remember his words but I remember having that same soul reaching happiness around him that I always did.
We are continuing to get settled into our new home. I am loving the land we sit on and how much peace it brings in the evening. I even have little chickens I tend to and they have brought me a lot of joy. They bring Leibe lots of excitement.........sigh we won't go there but overall it's been wonderful.
Emily starts school on Monday and our lives will fall back into a normal pattern again. We have lots of last firsts coming up and I am going to enjoy every moment I have with Emily this year.