So I mentioned that things have been overly stressful at work lately...and I wasn't kidding. Anyway, yesterday I realized it's taking a toll on me physically and emotionally. All day at work yesterday I kept getting left arm pain and chest pains.........so I convinced myself it was NOT a heart attack (lol). At the time though I was pretty sure I was dying and then talked myself down off the heart attack cliff. The pain was in the back of the arm in a solitary position......... so it was just anxiety. I have never really struggled with anxiety except when I drive (due to my car wreck). Well Anxiety found me front and center at work. Anyway, when I got home we had a great relaxful evening until..........Insert dramatic drumming noise. Emily started asking for money for school for a T shirt she needs. This week alone she needed supplies for a sewing class, supplies for her link leaders, supplies for a donation basket...........and I began to hyperventilate. Emily insisted she HAD to have the money Friday and I explained to her I get paid on Tuesday, but that was unacceptable. I explained the extra money we had was set aside for the trip this weekend, but I would have it to her ASAP on Tuesday. Again...not acceptable. I then cried.............WHY?? Why on Earth would I cry over that? So our conversation went something like this.
Em: Mom I think you are depressed
Em: because you cried over that song, cry about Jude, and you cried over a flat tire Monday
Me: Em when you get old you will know why I cried over a flat tire
Me: Em there is a difference between being very stressed and depression........do you know the difference?
Me: Hi anxiety or stress can cause sudden outbursts of crying or yelling. It can make you feel overwhelmed or like you cannot breath sometimes....depression.......generally is show by a lack of interest in anything. Feeling like you cannot work, you don't want to get ready, you don't take care of yourself, etc.
Em: Oh like Mikey after Jude got diagnosed
Mike: (spins around looking like a deer in headlights) HUH?
ME: YES, Exactly! He didn't shave, didn't want to leave the house...
Mike: really? (looking like he just got ran over)
Me: He kinda smelled
Em: (now cracking up)
Me: never cut his toenails
Mike: MUST we go there?
Me: Em......it's normal for adults to sometimes have issues with stress, sadness, or other issues. Especially after Jude's situation or my current issues at work ......... well it's just normal. As an adult you just have to vocalize every now and then and get it all out. If you keep it in then it can create serious issues. So just know if I cry, yell, or seem sad it has nothing to do with you because the best times I have are my times with you!
She then marched happily up to bed.