Ducks and Patience

We’re finally starting to settle into our new home, and it’s beginning to feel like ours. I’ll share more pictures as we get more acclimated, but for now, you can find me over on TikTok @napqueenchronicles....yes, the name still fits perfectly. I’ve posted a few videos already and plan to share more as time allows.

I truly love this new place. It already holds so much peace and promise. The only thing I haven’t quite warmed up to is the traffic, I definitely miss my slow, quiet country roads. But like most things in life, it’s a trade-off, and one I’m willing to make for everything else this new chapter is giving us.

One of my first missions is recruiting birds, and I’m happy to report I’m off to a great start, there are already dozens nesting in our oak trees. We even have a pair of ducks at the pond, which brings me an unbelievable amount of joy.

The other day, the family across from us came over to introduce themselves. They have four little boys, and the youngest was only four days old! Mike showed them around the goats, pigs, and chickens, and I shared a bit about Jude and how much Mike would enjoy visits from the boys. They seem like such a kind, beautiful family, and that mama is an absolute warrior for making that walk with a newborn.

I’ve felt Jude with us so strongly here. I worried, more than I admitted, that moving meant leaving him behind somehow. But he’s here, just as present, just as near as he always was. That comfort has meant everything.

Life has a funny way of shaping you as the years go on. Mike and I have realized we’ve grown into people with both more patience and less patience, if that makes sense. We give more grace where it matters, and we’ve learned to set boundaries where it’s needed. We speak up more, but with intention. Maybe it’s age, maybe it’s experience… or maybe we’re just stepping into a new, more grounded and aware version of life.

Either way, this chapter feels different, in the best way.

It’s Still Only Love Jude

In 2001, Emily and I were in a very serious car accident. We had to slam on our brakes because someone stopped short in front of us, and a young driver who was following too closely rear-ended us at about 60 miles an hour. The impact was so powerful it spun my car and sent us toward a gas station. Thankfully, we were stopped by a light pole.

That accident, combined with the trauma of 9/11, created an overwhelming fear of driving on highways. For years, I avoided them completely. I could get anywhere in DFW without ever touching a highway. Through therapy, I eventually worked through that fear and was doing well, until we lost Jude. After that loss, I regressed and found myself right back in that same place again.

For more than 10 years, I avoided situations that felt scary on the road. But last week, for the first time in over a decade, I drove on the highway again. It may seem like a small thing to some people, but for me it was a huge step forward.

I’m sharing this because people don’t always talk about the fears and stress they carry. Much like our experience losing Jude, trauma creates deep emotional wounds. Those wounds show up in different ways for everyone. PTSD and triggers can shape how we react in our relationships, at work, and in everyday life.

Along my road of grief, I know I may have hurt some people. Grief can be messy, complicated, and overwhelming. If that happened, I’m truly sorry. I did the best I could while carrying a pain I didn’t yet know how to live with.

But driving on that highway reminded me of something important; moving forward matters. Sometimes healing begins with one small, terrifying step.

This is the last weekend we will spend in our beloved home, the place that held us, comforted us, and wrapped its arms around us during the darkest chapter of our lives. It gave us shelter while we tried to make sense of an unimaginable loss.

I’ve reached out to those who meant the most during that time, and as we close this chapter, we do so with gratitude, reflection, and hope.

We will always carry Jude in our hearts. He will be with us in every step we take, every single day. But now, we are ready to let the light in again.

With Love Always, 

Jenn