I don't remember much of Friday but I know I was in pain and couldn't really sleep, Saturday I drug myself up to work to finish a quote I had started that was on a time constraint. Sunday I slept most of the day and my husband congratulated me on being a total sloth. I am generally always on the go so he really was being funny. I had summed up that I had gotten into the poison Sumac that was growing on a door outside of my upstairs attic. On Monday when I got to work I felt so bad that I set an appointment with my primary doctor. I fully expected to hear a diagnosis that I had gotten into the Sumac and receive a prescription for a strong anti-allergy medication. When the doctor walked into the room he tilted his head to the side and said, "Hmm" and I looked at him wondering what "Hmmm" meant. He said, "raise your eyebrows", "stick out your tongue", "turn your tongue to the left" WAIT why are you doing a neuro exam?? I am very familiar with this. My doctor then said, "this is facial paralysis" what??? He pointed at my forehead and said, "See how you have zero wrinkle lines above your right eye that's an indication your muscle isn't working (note to self look into Botox). Which means you either have Bell's Palsy or a mild stroke. Even though I knew the first diagnosis was probably the right one I heard the word stroke and felt faint. Not because I could die and be with Jude but because I could be a burden, not work, or leave Emily. So the doctor put me on a steroid and set up an MRI for the next day. He said if I didn't feel better to go to the MRI.
So today I was an hour late but I went into work to catch up on everything I could. I try to be right on top of my work and to handle everyone's issues as quickly as possible but I have felt off my game. I don't like that and I don't like feeling limited. I like my boss and I want to do the best job I can do. I just began feeling terrible which included loud ringing in my ears, feeling dizzy, and my face was burning. So I just decided to suck everything up and head to the ER. I had informed several close family and friends over the weekend what was going on so they could be praying for Bell's Palsy. After lengthy testing the doctors determined there WAS NOT a stroke. He said I had shingles and the virus had basically frozen my facial nerve resulting in the Bell's Palsy. It's not fun but it's something I can overcome. So tonight I was pulling my right droopy eye up and I would watch it fall back down again. They say my eye will eventually recover but they are sending me to a neurologist just in case there is residual lasting issues.
Sometimes I wonder if negative situations follow certain families because it's gotten rather comical the situations that impact my family. People say they aren't surprised or just shake their head. So I began to wonder if we somehow request negativity to us but I don't believe that's accurate. We have been working hard to fill our life with love and positivity since Jude left us. So when the doctor told me this can be brought on by stress I realized I need to take a step back. We have had a HARD two years and haven't given ourselves the means to relax. I was doing too much and I know I was. I had already started disbanding the dress store and saying No to many invites. Emily has really taken charge of Smile Boxes a lot more but with her leaving for college I know I will play a predominant role in the fundraising Casino night, so I am letting everyone know I need HELP! Work is fanfreakingtabulous but it's busy and I do mean BUSY! I am so grateful for the new business and I hope it never stops but I need to STOP during the day and take time out to blog like I used to because it's my outlet and my stress reliever. So note to boss make me take 20 minutes a day, lol. I realized it's okay I still miss Jude so much my heart hurts and that sometimes we need to follow the Beatles advice and, "Just Let It Be." I actually don’t look at this as a negative, it’s a positive because I can heal from this!
I need to take my vacation at the end of August, turn my phone off, and realize that no matter what everything will be here when I get back. Everything except a droopy right face, I hope.
I hope everyone is well and know I have missed you guys.
