Hard Jude Day

Thanksgiving is weighing on me. Normally I would make a big meal for anyone that wanted to stop by our house to see us and Jude. People would wander in throughout the day and good ole nurse Allan was there to help with all the leftovers. I will miss the nurses this year. I think that's half of what I am battling this year is the missing components of our family which was not just Jude. 

It's strange because I will have days where I feel functional and I don't have to wear a fake mask but there are other days that are not so great. This is one of those days. I miss Jude more than I can even express and the feel of him in my arms is beginning to grow a bit faint. I told Emily this weekend that I couldn't believe it's been 7 months because it feels like yesterday and she agreed. I had horrible nightmares again this weekend. One consisted of Mike being hurt and the other regarding Jude. I woke up hugging Mike because I was so distraught thinking something could happen to him too. 

Mike and I don't leave to watch Emily until Saturday so we will be around for Thanksgiving. I am considering making my normal meal and seeing where the day takes us. 

We miss you Jude. We are thankful for every moment we got with you. I am sure your sister will feel you with her this weekend and we will hang your stocking over the mantle on Friday.