Saturday, September 17, 2016

Bad Dreams

Last night I had a good but bad dream about Jude. In the end the dream became haunting. So here is the recap.

Mike and Jude were on the bed and I was on a treadmill. I noticed Jude was about to fall off the bed and I quickly caught him . I had Jude's head cradled in my hands and I was telling Mike he almost let him fall. Jude was smiling real big at me and I said, "oh ju ju I love you so", and he kept smiling like he used to and he was babbling back. Mike was saying, "he's dead he's not here" and Judes face started turning cold and changing colors and I realized I had gone crazy and I was seeing things. It was disturbing. I have cried the majority of the day. I had a friend tell me; "Jenn you have to break to allow those around you to put you you back together again." Maybe that's what this is. I am not sure but what a horrible awful day. I know it was just a dream but I miss the family I had. Per my therapist  these types of dreams are normal. So I will just work through it.

Maybe it's because I know next weekend will truly be about Jude. I'm Not sure but I so miss my little boy. All I can do is suck back the tears and steamroll forward to make sure next weekend is amazing. I need help so I'm asking family and friends to be there this week, thank you. I appreciate everyone's support. Let's do this for Jude.

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