The Dream

I dreamt of Jude last night which is very rare. I like dreaming of him but this one had a bit of a sad ending to it. I was in this large place with a lot of people around and two little boys asking me about skating. Jude's nurse was near us and I saw another person in scrubs pushing Jude in a hospital bed down a hallway. Jude was upset and crying out like he used to and thrashing about. I told the nurse I was afraid he would fall and she assured me the aid pushing the bed was very good and wouldn't let that happen. So I began walking towards the bed and said "Ju Ju Bean!" in a loud happy voice. Jude sat up with the biggest smile and said, "MAMA!" The aid looked surprised and said, "well that's new." Suddenly Jude fell forward and I went running towards him because I was afraid he would hit his head but Jude caught himself with his hands. Jude could not do that when he was alive. I hugged him tightly and he hugged me back. We were both very happy. Then suddenly I remembered Jude was gone and I asked him, "Do they let you play in heaven?"

Jude just smiled at me but then he was gone. I was left sitting there holding a sheet crying very loudly for him. I woke up with tears running down my face and missing Jude. The dream was oddly comforting and sad all at the same time. I am not sure what the dream means if anything and I am sure there are parts I am not remembering. I am rather emotional today because of it. Like I have said before you have good days and bad days and this seems to be a so so day. 

I will post pictures of our balloon release for Jude that we are doing Christmas Eve. I am asking everyone to light a candle for Jude this weekend. 

Merry Christmas.