Jude's terrible awful no good very bad night and Mike needs help

When I got home from work I was THRILLED to see that Jude was awake and so happy! He was even "talking" to me in his little Jude voice and just seemed like he was feeling pretty well. I posted an update on Facebook letting everyone know he was having a good day. That was a half truth because he had slept the majority of the day with Charlotte. 

Then the bottom dropped out and once again Jude was miserable. He was uncomfortable, having coughing issues, and issues with thick secretions. We remembered that the doctor said he believes Jude has anxiety because he feels he cannot get proper air into his lungs.  I leaned over and asked Jude if he wanted me to hold him and he got the most hopeful expression on his face. He was connected to all his machines so I just scooped him up a little from his bed and held him. It quieted him some but then he began to get rigid and cry again.  So I gave him some Ativan and then some Morphine but nothing helped so I took a recording and sent it to the hospice nurse. 

I didn't post the recording but I did take a snapshot to show how upset he was. The video is heartbreaking and I didn't feel it needed to be posted. I decided to give him some Motrin to see if it would break the pain since it would coincide with the other medications.  It didn't take long for the hospice nurse to call back and say "I don't like that at all". She wanted me to give him some more Ativan but he began to calm down on his own. Soon the night nurse arrived and she took over the situation. Poor Jude was once again up until 4am with breathing issues, anxiety, tone, and pain. I am wondering if we need to discuss a different pain medication that is scheduled to prevent Jude from getting to the point that he was above. His nights are just terrible and the night nurse is amazed we have been taking care of him and going to work. 

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in Jude's situation that I forget just how very sick he is. I looked down at him last night and I thought if this was Emily we would be at the ER. It was a reminder that Jude needs extra love and attention right now. He shouldn't have to go through this and it just breaks my heart to see him struggle. My aunt came in town and I am so very grateful. Mike and I had to sign some important documents last night and she was there to care for Jude while we took care of our business. I know she was having a hard time with him too and I think last night she saw just how upset he can get. She also saw just how hard his breathing and airways are to control. I am also eternally grateful she is here because if our plate wasn't full enough my husband hurt his back. He literally cannot walk and is laying in bed in severe pain. So if anyone makes house calls Mike needs help! SOS SOS!  I had to come to work so I left him with a pen, paper, water, ibuprofen, and the remote. Poor guy!