After my aunt died this week it started a discussion within my family of "what I want if I die?"...morbid, but normal. Some wanted a party, some wanted a big funeral, and one wanted to be fed to fish. God Bless my Aunt Docia who always provides great entertainment. She even followed her comment up with, "I know I know... the fish won't want me". So when someone dies and we mourn their loss does this also give us the opportunity to question our own mortality? If we are truthful.........it won't matter what we want when we die.......because we are not around anymore. However, a celebration of life helps relieve the pain in those that have lost someone they loved. When my mother suddenly passed away at only 27 my family had no warning or rules to go by. They pretty much shut down because it was such a shock. My family recalls being angry that people could carry on with their normal lives............man do I know that feeling!!! I was sure MAD at the women waiting on their perfect sonograms when Jude was diagnosed.
So what do I want if I die? I want people to say......Jenn made a difference in the world. I truly want to have the opportunity to hear people say "She was kind, she was fair, she was honest, and she loved others". That.......would make me happy....I would hope people would say that. We never know when our last minutes will be held out in front of us so we should truly live for the moment. So what arrangements would you want? I would want whatever makes my family and friends happy. I didn't get to view my mother after her death and I think it would have helped me heal. So if someone needs to see me then........allow them to. However, in the end .........take me to Maui........along with whoever can go. I want everyone to take some time off work......not for me......but for themselves. I never can seem to slow down because of work or other issues so I want everyone to stop for a few minutes. Rehabilitate yourself while taking me to the most peaceful place I have ever been in my life. I always love family and friends together for extended periods of time. So take me to a beautiful waterfall with sun and happiness and say "she would love this". Have faith that I am finally resting and play a very cool song with a soulful twist and smell the beauty of the flowers only Hawaii can provide..........and just relax. That's what I would want. I would want everyone to be happy! So let's hope that I have many many years left on Earth and decades from now someone will read my blog and say........that's what she wanted ... so let's DO it!
My aunt's funeral was amazing and my cousins speech about her was right on. She always wore something ironed, she was unavailable during Cowboy games, and her kitchen was heaven. We take a little of each person we meet with us through our lives and I was honored I was a part of her life. She kept a picture of Jude and Em near her in her nursing home. I didn't see her near the end of her life because well ............. I wanted to remember her as her spunky feisty Southern Belle self....and I do.
We are all going to pass......I guess it's just a question of how people will feel when you are gone. I don't think we can ever really prepare ourselves for anyone passing. However in today's electronic abilities maybe we can tell people.........this is what I want, or what I don't want...........or to just .... r e l a x and it will all be okay. Now let's make sure no one gossips or reads to much into a thoughtful piece of writing. I am just expressing my feelings :)